As people who stutter, we spend a lot of time thinking about communication - ours and others. Every time I used to see someone communicating effectively, I would think “I want to speak like that, well if only I didn’t stutter.” I seldom paused to critically think what I liked about their communication style. All good communication seemed to fall under the single bucket of fluency.
Stuttering occupies such a big part of the mental real estate that it more often than not clouds any discernment about what good communication is about. I do ARTS® group speech therapy and this topic of “What makes someone a good communicator?” came up some time ago. We had a fascinating discussion as a group and I have not stopped thinking about it. We talked about the fact that when one looks beyond fluency, there is so much to break down and appreciate about effective communication. Not all fluent speakers are good communicators, while a lot of people who stutter are. So here are the qualities that we came up with - the qualities that make a person fun to listen to, that make a speaker’s monologue engaging, and the qualities that make someone a good communicator!
Authenticity: When you are authentic and spontaneous, it reflects in your communication. People appreciate a speaker who shares anecdotes about their life and experiences; a speaker who is open, vulnerable, and inviting. It builds trust and injects a sense of comfort into the space.
Ability to take up space and time: This is a big one, especially for people who stutter. Good communicators take up their space (verbally and physically) and time when they are talking. They don’t shrink themselves and hope people don’t notice something about their speech. They won’t mind if they take an extra minute to tell their story. People who stutter usually do mind. When you do not say everything you want to say, or shrink yourself - it passes off non-verbal cues to the listeners that what you have to say is not important enough. This is the exact opposite message that one needs to be radiating. Strong communicators are guided by the principle: “If I have something to say, it is important enough to be listened to and if you have to wait for it, that is A-okay!”
Confidence: When you are confident in your skin and with your ability to convey your thoughts, you radiate confidence in your speech. Confidence is the invisible hand that grabs your speech and elevates it to a higher plane. Confident speakers smile more and inject more energy into the conversation. This is also related to the previous point - the more confident you are, the more you are able to take up your space and time.
Eye Contact: Eye contact builds and maintains connection in a conversation. Good communicators hold strong eye contact - signaling their audience that they are continuing to speak and the audience’s attention should be focused on them. You will find this point in every self-help book on good communication but it is a cliche for a reason - it works. Especially for people who stutter, holding eye contact signals to your listener that you are not done talking and are still on your words. This discourages them to jump in and fill in the moment of silence.
Ability to tell stories: I will die on the hill that our success in life is in no small part defined by our ability to tell stories. Everything is a “story” and if you can tell good stories - you can get people to see your point of view, empathize with you, and get on board.
So the next time you find yourself enjoying talking to someone, listening to someone - try to move past their fluency and look for such traits - there would be other qualities we didn’t get to here. And maybe take this as a reminder to focus on joyful, spontaneous, and effective communication rather than being fixated on fluency!